Important - Racial gazes chapter reflection
Reflection on - I'm sorry, but why are you coming for me and not my ideas, these damn thumbtacks, and my microagression fantasy.
The Racial Gazes ideas comes from Zimitri erasmus technologies of race. And out of the three technologies she talks about the first one and the oldest one being "the look". That by looking at someone we have categorised and built a type of prejudges by their facial features and skin colour. I couldn't help but think of the male gaze when reading this. what really hit hard though was the bridges of "my experiences of being gazed at" and this technology.
I'm sorry, but why are you coming for me and not my ideas
The first thing I realised about these pages is how similar they looked to the work I produced last year. It really made me think "damn this is a whole new idea but it looks the same, this can't be". And theres nothing really wrong with it, it's just a personal signifier that I've just scrapped the surface in my critic and interrogation, particularly in how these ideas of race can manifest in material.
I think as well, that my images are not as convincing as I'd like. I think I need to explore more in its relevance, besides being a tool of documentation, but really look at what the photographs are doing or can do, if I spend more time with it.
At the same time I should try explore de-cluttering the pages. They are so loaded with so many ideas, and I know I have a habit of doing that. It also probably comes from me not trusting the work to stand alone (side note - but should it). I should see what how the paper can operate as is. what would it mean to watch the paper dry in different areas of the studio? What would it mean to have the photos free floating on fabric in studio. I guess, there is possibility for me to become more intimate with these ideas before moving onto the next, and I know that something I need to work on.
However, I did find this lots of fun and very emotionally liberating. To not only be able to equip myself with the language to talk about these events, but also just talk about them, and to re-experience these memories in a way that offers clarity, closure and empowerment.
These damn thumbtacks, and my microagression fantasy. audio essays
Now first off, my writing style has change dramatically, and theres no doubt that it has to do with all the writings in the handbook. I'm starting to notice the creolisations that exist in the way I communicate, and how powerful that can be.
But with these two stories, I can hear the internal battle between the way I talk at home and outside. I'm very aware of the fact that this will be listened to people outside my home, which in itself is a topic of discussion. However at the moment, it just sounds like I'm very nervous. So something I could try is read these stories to people in person or over zoom. so that I feel more relaxed, and it might also make the listening experience feel less like you're hearing an announcement and more engaged in a conversation.
I think I need to take into consideration the Soundcloud platform more, what does it mean for me to be using that? And what are the roles of invisibility and visibility in using an alias on this platform.
I also think everything and I critiqued in the prior work is also pertinent to these works.
I'm happy to be in this experimental space with these ideas. I think right now, thats a good way of describing it. Theres definitely opportunity, but it needs more fine-tuning and better thought out execution.